New Year’s Resolutions for 2022?
I determined a few years ago not to make resolutions anymore. My track record has not been exactly pristine with those. Previous resolutions have included things like, “I will . . .”
- Eat only organic
- Exercise daily
- Sleep every night, not just some of them
- Get skinny and outgoing and incredibly happy
Like most people I sizzled on January 1st, keen to keep my resolutions. But my sizzle had fizzled by February 1st. It was very disheartening.
Past Failures
Since 2017 I have told myself that I had a good excuse for any failures with my resolutions. The emotional, kid part of me agreed – it’s really not my fault. No one could keep healthy habits in mind when long-buried traumatic memories surface and the stress level goes off the charts. The return of those repressed memories literally blew my life apart.
But then another angrier, defiant part of me kicks in annoyed. It tells me that I am stronger than this. I should be able to handle this horror better. That part of me gets a bit harsh. It reminds me that I lived this horror once and still went on to become a happy, productive adult. Granted, massive blocks of amnesia were involved but I did survive. It also reminds me that not taking care of Me is bad on two counts. It not only hurts Me, but it allows those monsters from my past to have another go at hurting Me. That is not acceptable at all! They don’t deserve another instant of my life!
Finally, the calm, mature, logical part of me steps up. It reminds me that perhaps those New Year’s Resolutions do serve a purpose after all. They are a reminder that each new day is a chance to improve. So, I dust off my sense of failure and try again.
Current Resolution
The past 4 years my sole resolution has been simple – I will survive. I survived the initial traumas – a surprising yet comforting reality. What I’m surviving now is just the horror of the memories. And I’m getting better with that. So, in 2022 I’m not going to change my basic, core resolution of I will survive. However, I am going to add a small addendum. In 2022 I will survive while walking toward hope.
I have learned so much in the last couple of years about the extreme effects of emotions, even just remembered emotions. My therapist often reminds me that these memories are in the past. I have already survived the danger and the hurt. And I have told myself repeatedly, “They’re just memories, they can’t hurt me now.” But, they can and they do. The physical pain some of these memories brought has been devastatingly real. The only thing that has kept me stumbling forward is the fervent hope that something good will come of this eventually. I hope that I can help someone else going through something similar.
Statistics
Searching the Internet for statistics on recovering repressed childhood memories yielded nothing. I confess to wondering just how many other people have experienced what I’ve been going through so that was disappointing. But I do know that I am not alone. I have friends who have walked this road and friends who are walking it now. For them I pray that 2022 will be better.
My Internet searches did yield statistics, though, that are disturbing. Official estimates state that probably 70% of all American adults have had at least 1 traumatic event in their lives, but more disturbing is that close to ½ of our children also have. It is also estimated that today there are 60 million American adults who survived sexual abuse as a child, meaning there are even more who survived physical abuse since that’s more prevalent.
Those are very sad statistics indeed. So, I also pray for all of the survivors, especially those who are still hurting. I pray that you will get help – rely on God, read Scriptures on finding peace, talk to a trusted friend, journal your own ordeal, find an EMDR therapist, drop me a comment.
I also pray that 2022 will be a time for us both to heal.